Well. I guess I'm returning. I have done a LOT wrong, and I need to be honest about it. I have not been very honest, disrespected other composers, and I need to try to make things right.
As many of you know, and many may be shocked or angry to hear this who haven't already heard, I plagiarized. Not one, not two, but around seven scores. When I first began to gain followers and views and such, my self esteem was really low. And frankly still is. I thought I didn't deserve any attention I was getting, and it made me feel even worse. I felt like a failure and that I let people down by producing horrible music. But at the same time I loved seeing and hearing the comments of people who liked my pieces. It became like an addiction, feeling that rush of feeling decent about myself and not hatred. So when those words of discouragement and self-hatred filled my head ("you don't deserve this, you are taking away from people who are good" "they are lying to you, they actually hate you but won't say it") I became desperate. I needed that praise, I needed to deserve what I was getting. But that lead me to make a horrible choice, and ironically be even less deserving of the attention. I went on MuseScore, browsed pieces I liked, and copied the piece. I don't entirely remember which one. I knew it was wrong and I felt super guilty. But when it became my most popular piece and heck made it to the leaderboard, I told myself it was too late to go back. Then it slowly became a habit. I would post original song, feel self-doubt, and go copy another already existing song or piece and lie to myself saying it was okay. But eventually I reached a point where I was stealing hundreds of likes and views from other amazing composers who DESERVE and EARNED their popularity. Who were honest and talented. And I realized that. I had to do something. I got discovered by someone who I will not name and that was the last straw. In a wave of emotion and irrationality I removed ALL my scores. (Cont.)