Dark Thoughts

So recently I've been super depressed. A lot of things happened over a short period of time that made me feel less secure with myself. I put all of my energy into other people, so when I fail, which i usually do, it hits really hard. I've been on the brink of doing something I will regret for a long time, but I'm too much of a coward to actually do anything. So I've been forced to live with someone I don't like. Me.

It probably started way back as early as 2nd grade. My father was abusive to me, my sisters, and my mother. He would beat us whenever he was angry or even slightly unhappy, and it sometimes went farther than bruising. For the longest time my mother was too scared to do anything, until 6th grade when she got a divorce and the police were involved.

I think the thing that set her off was when he kept hitting my younger sister. It was more than usual, and he had his back turned to my mother. She grabbed some kind of object, I don't remember what it was, and she hit him with it. I sometimes get flashbacks of that specific moment, because I just remember him repeatedly hitting her and I thought he got sick and tired of us.

She remarried after that, and I'm not a fan of her new husband. He sometimes says things that are a little questionable, but I will never call him dad. I know it's not fair to blame him for something someone else did, but can you blame me? He keeps trying to get us to bond with him, which I find annoying. I think he should just wait and let us open the doors, because he doesn't know the half of what we went through.

Thanks for reading. <3