It’s a pretty simple word, until you really think about it.
I don’t know if I can think of a situation where I’ve needed it, simply because it’s so easy for me to lose it, to never have it in the first place. I strike myself down simply to try to prepare myself for the worst, for the cruelty of the world.. Or simply because it’s become a habit. And it’s still futile, because I just lower my self-esteem and get disappointed when I do inevitably hope for something.
Like hoping for support, for stability, only to be told that I’m not trying hard enough and to start to question myself even more. Like hoping that I can break myself free from this nightly routine, just to log back on, to check a tab again at a time others would consider unacceptably early, or late, for yet another night in yet another week.
And so, in this song, I tried to embody not a situation, but the beauty and torment of the word hope.. And being on the verge of losing it completely. I can take inspiration from events in the past, but I can never pinpoint one as my inspiration and feel confident about it. I can never truly find a moment where hope was as persistent as others make it out to be.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for everything that I’ve gotten but feel I don’t deserve.